All fundraisers dream of the perfect conversation with a prospective major donor. The chat goes so well that they write you a check right there, and to top it off the amount is more than you were even going to propose.

But, the reality is that it is never that easy. There are so many chances to flub your ask, it’s difficult to count the ways. Enter nerves and sweaty palms and asking the wrong questions. Did you ask for too much or too little of course? 

Feeling nervous is normal, according to Rachel Muir, client strategy executive at online fundraising firm Convio in Austin, Texas. “In my 13 years as an executive director who raised more than $10 million, I’ve learned a lot about what works when it comes to major gifts, what doesn’t work and how to keep your cool when making an ask.”

Everyone has fears. It’s what you do with your fear that determines if you’ll be successful, explained Muir. She suggests 10 tips to prepare for the best ask of your life.

• Cultivate. You don’t ask someone to marry you on the first date. Has your prospect been properly cultivated for this ask? You should be stewarding your donors with seven unique touches annually: a visit, a tour, prompt thank you’s, personal stories about your successes, newsletter, annual report, personal calls, etc.
• Prepare. What are your prospects interests? Where did they go to school? What is their giving pattern? What keeps them up at night? What are their giving priorities and where can you fit in their passions? What is the right ask amount based on their giving history, capabilities, and priorities?
• Think about why you are here asking for money in the first place. Reconnect with your organization’s mission and why you are involved. Your passion and commitment for the cause is one of the most important influences on your prospect.
• Ask in pairs.
• If you can, have a volunteer make the ask who has made a lead (or stretch) gift of their own.
• Never make an ask if you haven’t already given yourself.  
• Ask in a setting where you can have an undivided 20 to 30 minutes of time. Meet in the prospect’s office or on-site at your agency. If you ask over lunch in a restaurant you’re almost guaranteed four interruptions and the last thing you want when you are making an ask is for it to fall flat from an interruption and for you to not be able to recover.
• Before you make your ask, summarize what you’ve discussed in your meeting thus far, your prospects interests, how the connect to what you do and their reflection of commitment thus far based on their prior gifts.
• Talk about the impact the organization has through personal stories. Don’t go into a laundry list of all the programs the organization does and never use acronyms. Focus on the benefit, the impact, and vision.
• Once you’ve made your ask be quiet and enjoy the silence. If you have a glass of water, take a sip. Do not keep talking. Most people who keep talking after the ask talk themselves out of a gift. Be quiet and give your prospect time to respond to your request.

What happens next? They might say yes, they might say no, they might ask for some time to think about it or they could offer you a lower amount. If they want time to think about their gift set a return appointment before leaving. If they agree, thank them. If they offer you a lesser amount you can either thank them for their generosity and accept the gift or ask if they’d prefer more time to think about it and set a return appointment. If they say no, ask if it is the amount of the gift or the timing. You can offer to stretch their gift out over time. If that doesn’t work ask them if they will renew at their current gift level.

Regardless of their response follow up within 24 hours with a hand written thank you card and confirmation letter if they committed to an amount. Remember, securing a successful gift is a combination of the right person asking the right prospect the right amount for the right purpose and in the right way.

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